யாழ்பாடினி

 

Sometimes, academia makes you feel like a loser. The toxic academic culture makes you doubt your self-worthiness and the value of your intellectual contribution to society. I encountered several rejections last year concerning research grant applications, PhD scholarship applications, job applications and my first solo academic journal paper. There was so much negativity around me. I was mentally tired and ready to give up on my research career. This poem was written at the beginning of a long healing process. Know your self-worth. I look at my inbox Like a deminor Ready for the damage control Emails don’t excite me These days They disappoint me I come prepared to be disappointed I open the email Like unwrapping a box A bomb in it Knowing it would explode in my face Once opened Anyway Rebelliousness comes with price I read the impersonal message The standard response My time, effort and resources Not appreciated Not even acknowledged This time My heart doesn’t even flinch I came prepar...

A dark room lit by a small oil lamp combines with the #lockdown mood. So what song would you choose to cry out your heart? I chose the divine song of Bharathiyar sung by the one and only Bombay Jeyashri.

It is one of those days. Transported back from spring to winter. The clouds weep like an adamant child. Cold seeps through the windows into the heart. The sweet spot under the quilt calls your name. You cannot resist the warmth it promises. Come to me, the bed calls you seductively. It weakens your mind. The body begs longingly, just get in. You avoid the ultimatum until you cannot take it anymore. Home. The soft, fluffy quilt. Roll, roll and roll the way up. There you go, little burrito. Tuck your toes and hold up to your nose. Let the warm embrace you through. Lay there still until you become a parcel of lamprais. Dream of a holiday in paradise. Roll from left to right then right to left. The bed is your universe. Stretch your body and tweak your toes. Paradise is not anywhere else. Here it is wrapped in a comfy quilt.

  Take some me-time

I lost it So did my laptop The server too

  There are days I crave silence Free of human noises Outside and inside my mind

  They were wrong The old poets About the distance between beloveds

Hold me tight Heart to heart Let me absorb The warmth